OUR BELOVED RESEARCHER THE INTERN ADDIE HARPER

Currently working for college credit from an acclaimed university and recovering from:

• Burned tongue

• Plane crash (multiple)

• Bolted skull

• Facial contusions

• Bilateral groin pull

• Split stapled lips

• Hot Pocket chest burns

• Swallowed by whale

• Mouth infection

• MRSA infection

• Complete loss of emotion

• Burned crotchal area

• Smashed by black bear

• Magazine ink poisoning

• Falling out of 2nd story window

• The Zombie Train to Bhutan

• Scabies

• Splinters

• Hysterical Blindness

• Becoming a 14 year old Chihuahua

• Salmonella of the eye

• Velcro Face

Get well soon!

Symphorien Francis "Boopsie" Benoit

Is a Grammy, Tony, and Emmy Award winning composer and jazz musician. Born in the French Quarter of New Orleans, his formative years were spent at a piano in the attic of his parents brothel, where he was taught the principals of jazz by a blind prostitute named Hush Puppy. He currently moonlights as the Sidebar Quartet's band leader, owns a popular jazz club on Bourbon Street, and is working on regaining his hearing after listening to the collected works of Coldplay.